I'M FALLIN OUT.....!
i wonder whose at fault?
sometimes i hate to be home early coz i really fucking hate to face all these nonsense stuffs dat happen at home, dats y i usually wanna go home late, so wen i reached home everyone is asleep n i can rest in peace!
but i aint dat selfish!
every single day, i had a tiring day in school, like one freaking long day of SIP den sometimes dance, and i felt dat i miss home n spending time with my family n brothers, sometimes i know i goin to be late for home, i sneaked out of my SIP go to my mum shop and at least spend a few hours there n chatted with her!
BUT DOES SHE EVEN REALIZE MY CONCERN?
wen i reached home early, i m so looking forward to have home cooked food, or even sit down infront of the TV with everyone n just randomly chat or sometimes laugh at each other?
BUT usually wen i got home early, my brother n i always got scoldings! like almost everyday we got scoldings! i understand they r tired of working the whole day, but i feel dats not a reason for u to come home to throw ur temper at us? its freaking unfair!
my brothers and i know sometime its our own fault for not cleaning up the dishes after we used but after all most of the time we did it? we got our grandfather who never stops nagging at us everyday! its really very annoying, n this had happen n nobody dares to say a word like 2 yrs ago! staying n home n facing n hearing all this nags r FUCKING SHIT enough for me!
BUT YESTERDAY WAS DIFFERENT!
i went home early, so happy dat i finished the paper work my mum asked me to do! once i opened my house door, i felt so great coz i smelled home cooked food n seriously my mum cooks like once or twice a month only! i faster open my boots n rushed to the kitchen to greet my mum! i entered the kitchen "BANG" both my parents SCOLD N SCOLD N SCOLD me without letting me say any word! they were scolding me dat i cooked at home n left the dirty dishes, they scolded me for putting my dirty laundry in the basket den my grandfather have to washed it! n they even mention dat i treat the house like a freaking HOTEL!
wen i heard all this, i don even wan to argue or wat! my heart totally sank, all my freaking missed my family feelings, looking forward to eat all GONE!
i told my dad i nv want my grandfather to wash my clothes coz usually i washed myself n hang it myself! but its my grandfather is the one who reminded me not to leave my dirty laundry on the floor in my room, he wants me to put in basket so he can wash! but i still don wan to bother him coz i know he is old enough, before i go to school i packed my dirty laundry in the basket den since my brother nv go to sch, i told him to put the laundry in the kitchen so wen i got home i can wash it myself, BUT watever i told my dad abt this HE JUST WOULDNT WANT TO LISTEN!
n scolded me for letting my grandfather washed my laundry, so i asked him WHO HAS BEEN THE WHILE WASHING URS N MY MUM LAUNDRY? isnt it my grandfather? so he got very angry, he said both my of them work to find money for all of us? so its ok for my grandfather washes their laundry! i was so FUCKED UP wen i heard this, so dat means u work n give us money u can take advantage of my grandfather to do the DIRTY job n be like a maid at home? both me n my dad nv wanna lose in quarrell! i don wan to further this stupid arguments! i said sorry to him n wanna close my door but he refuses he kept on pushing my door n wan me to understand the situation! like fucking hell i wanna care abt the damn situation! since u think wat u do is right n never felt u did mistakes den wat can i do! all i ask I WANNA BE ALONE!
my mum came n hug me coz i couldnt stop tearing coz i was so so fucked up abt all these things dat happened! but all of them never understand how we felt! they always think dat they go to work n assume dat they r more tired den those who goes to school! its like we go to school just to study n do nothing else! BUT THEY WERE WRONG! sometimes it can be really tiring, rushing over projects n meeting datelines! but which parents understand?
i cried for the whole night thinking of wat to do next! i don wan to burden anyone anymore, i don wan to cause all this stupid tentions at home anymore, HOW I WISH I CAN JUST GO UP TO MY 17TH STOREY HIGH FLAT N JUST JUMP DOWN, N DATS IT I WOULDNT EVER FACE ALL THESE NONSENSE ANYMORE!
i tried to text some of my frens but i don really share of wat i m goin thru! n i dunno whether they would understand! so i just talk to myself n force myself to cool down, its really hard coz my heart really beats freaking fast i even bite myself so i can feel the pain!
i think its time for me to be SELFISH n fuck care wat my parents feel, i rather go home late den goin home early hoping to eat home cooked food or even looking forward to be with ur family! COZ PARENTS NV UNDERSTAND! i rather waste my money on outside food dat eating at home! i really hate the arguments coz i think a home shld be a peaceful one den a hell one, since my parents kept on scolding us coz they r tired of receiving complains from my grandfather, den i rather not be home, coz it doesnt feels like a HOME to me!
TO ALL PARENTS OUT THERE!
i hope u people freaking concerned about how ur child/children feels! we don go to school to fuck around! we r tired in our own way, our brains sometimes feel like exploding! so wenever ur child/children is backed home let them cool down, rest den if u wanna scold, scold in a proper way, dont think dat u got the authority to scold as u feel dat u r more superior u can just scold ur child/children like how u scold ur dog! we got feelings too we feel affected too! if u wan scold theres alot of way u can scold, discuss wats the actual problem n how to solve it! don keep on throwing ur temper n never think dat every human made mistakes! u urself make mistakes! so instead of creating tensions n making a HOME like a hell, do have proper FAMILY TALK! ur child/children r not DOGS! all of us got things to do, all of us r stressed in out own way!
*nobody knows how much hurt it causes me, nobody knows how affected i m, nobody knows all the while i m not the loud raazmy u guys seen outside! in me its full of tears n frustration!Labels: nobody knows
I won't ask you to stay, i'd rather walk away [5:39 AM]
